A guide for families
How to write an obituary
Nobody writes one of these often, and almost nobody writes one when they are feeling steady. Here is the structure, a real example, and straight answers to the things families worry about. Take what helps and leave the rest.
Before you start
An obituary has one job: to tell people who did not know the whole of this person what they were like, and to tell the people who did that someone got it right. It does not have to be beautiful. It has to be true, and it has to be finished, and those two things are usually enough.
The hardest part is almost never the writing. It is that you are being asked to summarise a person in a few hundred words, days after losing them, while also arranging a funeral. If you can only manage notes today, notes are enough to begin with.
The six parts of an obituary
Almost every obituary contains these, in roughly this order. You do not need all six, and you can move them around, but if you are stuck, write them one at a time and you will have a draft.
The announcement
Their full name, their age, where they lived, and when they died. Include a nickname if that is what everyone called them, because that is the name most readers will be looking for.
Margaret Rose Hale, known to everyone as Peggy, died peacefully at home in Richmond on 14 March 2024, aged 81.
The life, in order
Where they were born and grew up, their schooling, their work, their marriage and family. Keep it moving. This is the spine of the piece, not the whole of it.
Born in Leeds in 1943, she trained as a teacher and moved south in 1968, spending twenty-nine years at the same primary school.
Who they were
The part people actually remember. What they loved, what they were like in a room, the small habits their family will smile at. One true detail here is worth more than a paragraph of achievements.
She kept a tin of shortbread for visitors and was quietly furious if you refused a piece.
Their family
Who survives them, and who went before them. Traditionally: partner, then children and their partners, then grandchildren, then siblings. Say how many grandchildren rather than naming every one, if the list is long.
She is survived by her husband John, her daughters Anne and Clare, and six grandchildren.
The service
Where and when, and whether it is open to everyone or family only. If you have not settled the details yet, it is fine to write that they will follow.
A service of thanksgiving will be held at St Mary's, Richmond, on 2 April at 11am. All who knew her are welcome.
Flowers, donations, or neither
If you would rather have donations to a charity, name it and say how to give. If you would rather have nothing at all, say that plainly. Both are completely normal.
Family flowers only. Donations, if wished, to the Stroke Association.
A finished example
This is roughly 200 words, the most common length, for an invented person. Read it once through, then look at what each part is doing.
Margaret Rose Hale, known to everyone as Peggy, died peacefully at home in Richmond on 14 March 2024, aged 81.
Born in Leeds in 1943, Peggy trained as a teacher and moved south in 1968, where she spent twenty-nine years at the same primary school and taught, by her own reckoning, “most of Richmond”. She married John in 1966. They had two daughters, Anne and Clare, and a garden she defended from pigeons with a seriousness her family found very funny.
She kept a tin of shortbread for visitors and was quietly furious if you refused a piece. She sang in the church choir for forty years, not always in tune. She remembered the name of every child she ever taught, and their brothers and sisters, and usually their dogs.
She is survived by John, by Anne and Clare, and by six grandchildren who all believe they were her favourite.
A service of thanksgiving will be held at St Mary’s, Richmond, on 2 April at 11am. Family flowers only. Donations, if wished, to the Stroke Association.
Notice what it does not do. It never says she was kind, or devoted, or a wonderful mother. It shows you the shortbread tin and lets you decide. Adjectives are what we reach for when we are afraid the details are not enough, and the details are almost always enough.
Notice the small imperfections. Not always in tune. Quietly furious. A person who is only ever praised stops sounding like a person. One gentle, affectionate flaw does more for the reader than a paragraph of tribute.
Notice the last line about the grandchildren. It is the only joke in the piece, and it is the line the family will read back to each other. If something like that occurs to you while you write, keep it.
How long should it be?
Length follows the place it will be read, not the size of the life.
A brief notice
around 150 words
For a newspaper announcement, where you pay by the line. Names, dates, service details, and one sentence about the person.
Half a page
200 to 300 words
The most common length. Enough for their life in outline plus a few lines of who they really were.
One page
around 450 words
For an order of service or a memorial page. Room to move through their life properly and let a few stories breathe.
Two pages or a full life story
900 to 2,000 words
For a keepsake, a service booklet, or a family record. Their life told as a story, season by season, for people who will read it years from now.
If you would rather not start from a blank page
Our obituary writer is free. You put in whatever you have, even if it is only half-sentences, and it shapes a first draft in any of the lengths above. It only ever uses the details you enter and never invents a fact, so if your notes are brief, the result will be honest and brief too. Then you change every word you want to. Most people find it far easier to edit something than to begin something.
Write it with us, freeThe questions families actually ask
Do I have to say how they died?
No. You never have to. Many families write only "died peacefully" or "died after a short illness", and many say nothing at all about the cause. If the death was sudden, or by suicide, or from something the family would rather keep private, leaving it out is not dishonest. It is the family's information to share or keep.
What if our relationship was complicated?
You can write something true without writing everything true. An obituary is a public notice, not a reckoning, and it will be read by people who loved them. Write what you can say honestly and warmly, keep it shorter than you might for someone you were close to, and leave the rest. Nobody counts the words.
What if I forget someone?
You will, and it will be all right. Naming every relative is a modern habit rather than a rule, and long lists are where mistakes happen. "Survived by his three children and their families" is warm, correct, and impossible to get wrong. Save the individual names for the people closest to them.
Can it be funny? Can it be light?
Yes, if that is who they were. An obituary that is stiff and formal about a person who was neither reads as a stranger's account. A line of gentle humour, or a habit their family teased them about, will do more for the people reading it than another sentence about their career.
How much does the newspaper charge?
Local papers usually charge by the line or the word, which is why printed notices are so short, and why families often publish a brief notice in print and a fuller one online. There is no charge to publish an obituary on a memorial page, so length is yours to choose there.
I cannot face writing it. Can someone else?
Yes. It is very common for one family member to draft it and others to add to it, and equally common for a funeral director to help. If you want to start but cannot find the first sentence, our free writer will take whatever notes you have, however rough, and shape a first draft you can then change completely.
What to gather before you write
Ring one other person in the family and go through this together. It takes twenty minutes and it is much easier than trying to remember alone.
- Full name, including a maiden name and the nickname everyone used
- Date and place of birth, and date and place of death
- Schools, training, and the work they gave their days to
- Marriage or partnership, children, grandchildren
- Who died before them, and who survives them
- Their faith or beliefs, if it mattered to them
- Two or three things they loved, and one thing they always said
- Service details, and flowers or donations, once decided
If you are arranging things too
Create a memorial
A place to gather tributes, photographs and candles, free to create, for any faith or none.
How do I write a eulogy?
A eulogy is spoken and an obituary is read. What changes when you have to stand up and say it.
What do you say to someone grieving?
For the people around you who want to help and do not know how.
Will I see my loved ones again?
What seven traditions say, gently and without arguing with each other.
One last thing
Whatever you write will be read by people who loved them, and they will be reading it looking for the person, not for your prose. You do not have to get this perfect. You only have to get it done, and then you can put it down.
Start writing, free