How to write a eulogy

1. 1. Find out how long you have. Ask the funeral director or celebrant. Most eulogies are three to five minutes, about 400 to 650 words.
2. 2. Gather, do not write yet. Jot down words that describe them, the shape of their life, and the stories people keep telling. Ask family what they remember; they will give you details you had forgotten.
3. 3. Choose two or three true stories. One specific moment says more than a list of achievements. Pick the ones that make the room nod in recognition.
4. 4. Build it in three parts. An opening that says who you are, a middle that tells who they were, and a close that says goodbye.
5. 5. Write the way you speak. Short sentences and plain words. If a line is hard to say out loud, it will be harder on the day.
6. 6. Read it aloud, twice. Time it, and cut anything you stumble over. Then print it large, or make cue cards.

The builder above follows exactly these steps, asking about their life, then your memories, then the service, and writes only from what you tell it.

Opening. Thank people for coming, say your name and who the person was to you, and move quickly to something true about them. The first minute is when the room decides whether this will sound like the person they knew.

Closing. Many of the most moving endings stop talking about the person and speak to them: what you would tell them if they were here, and a simple goodbye. That is why the builder asks that question, and uses your answer for the last words.

These short examples are illustrations written for this page, not real people. Each shows the three-part shape in miniature. A full eulogy would give the middle more room.

For the particular hardness of writing about a parent, a partner or a child, the builder asks the questions for you: start with a few notes and edit what comes back.

Almost everyone who gives a eulogy worries about this. Crying during a eulogy is normal and nobody in the room will mind, but a few practical things make it much easier to get through.

• Print it big. Tears and nerves make small type impossible. Our reading copy prints in large type on A4, with page numbers so the pages cannot get muddled.
• Or speak from cue cards. A few short prompts per card, in large print, one part of the speech on each. When you look down you find your place in a glance instead of hunting through a paragraph, and it sounds like you talking, not reading. The builder makes them from your finished eulogy.
• Read it aloud beforehand. The lines that catch you in practice are the ones to prepare for, or to cut.
• Give someone a copy. A friend at the front with a second printout can step in and carry on if you cannot. Arrange it beforehand and it takes the fear away.
• Slow down and breathe at the paragraph breaks. A pause feels long to you and natural to everyone listening.

Where a eulogy fits, and who gives it, depends on the kind of service. Our funeral guides go into each tradition properly.

• Catholic: the Funeral Mass is an act of worship first, so the eulogy is usually invited at the Vigil rather than during Mass. Ask the parish before you write.
• Church of England and Protestant: a tribute is commonly given within the service itself. If several people want to speak, agree it early.
• Jewish: the short service is centred on the hesped, the eulogy.
• Humanist: the tribute is the heart of the ceremony, and the celebrant often writes and reads it with the family.
• Buddhist: much of the ceremony is done for the person rather than said about them, so a spoken tribute may be a smaller part than you expect.
• Muslim, Hindu and Sikh: practice varies between communities, so ask the imam, priest or granthi, or the family, whether and when words of remembrance are given.

A eulogy is spoken at the funeral to the people gathered there. An obituary is written, published before or after the funeral, and carries the practical details: dates, family and the arrangements. Many families need both. Our free obituary writer works the same way as the eulogy builder.

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a tribute spoken at a funeral by someone who knew the person who has died. An obituary is different: it is written to announce the death and share the funeral details, and it is read rather than heard.

How long should a eulogy be?

Three to five minutes suits most services. Spoken at a calm pace that is roughly 400 to 650 words. Ask the funeral director or celebrant how long you have, because a crematorium slot is often short and several people may want to speak.

What are the three main parts of a eulogy?

An opening, where you thank people for coming and say who you are to the person; the middle, which tells who they were through their life and a few true stories; and a close, where you say goodbye, sometimes speaking to them directly.

What is a good opening line for a eulogy?

Simple is best. Thank everyone for being there, say your name and who the person was to you, then go straight to something true about them. A specific detail in the first minute tells the room this will be about the person they knew.

What should you not say in a eulogy?

Leave out old grievances, family disputes, private details the person would not have wanted shared, jokes at their expense and anything that needs an explanation for only a few people in the room. If you are unsure about a line, leave it out.

Is the eulogy writer free?

Yes. Answering the questions, writing, editing, printing the reading copy and making cue cards are all free, with no sign-in needed. Your answers are kept in your own browser so you can come back to them.

Does it make things up?

It is told to write only from what you give it, and to be shorter rather than pad or invent. But it is written by AI, and AI can still get a small detail wrong or add a phrase you did not say, so read every line before the day and change anything that is not quite right. You know them; it does not.

What are eulogy cue cards?

Cards with a few short prompts for each part of your speech, instead of every word. Many people find it easier to speak naturally from prompts, and easier to find their place again after a pause. We turn your finished eulogy into cue cards and print them two to a page.