A eulogy for a friend
A complete example for a friend who died suddenly, with a short version, why it works, and help for when you knew the friend and not the family.
Written as if by her closest friend, Hannah. About 2.5 minutes read aloud · 326 words. Everyone in it is fictional, written for this page.
My name is Hannah. Jo and I met twenty-two years ago in the queue for a gig in our first week at university, when she told me my haircut was brave. She was right. We were friends from that moment.
None of us expected to be here. Three weeks ago Jo was planning her fortieth, arguing with us about a campsite, and sending us all a photo of a very ugly dog she wanted to adopt. It is hard to stand here and talk about her in the past tense, so please forgive me if I get it wrong.
Jo was a primary school teacher for fifteen years, and if you ever saw her with a class of seven-year-olds, you will know she was made for it. She could quieten a room of thirty with one raised eyebrow, and she knew the name of every child's pet, brother, sister and favourite football team.
As a friend, she was the one who remembered. Birthdays, anniversaries, the date of your driving test, the name of the man you went on one bad date with years ago. She sent cards, real ones, with stamps, and they always arrived on the right day.
She was also, and she would want me to say this, the worst navigator any of us have ever known. Every holiday we took together included at least one afternoon spent completely lost, and every one of those afternoons turned out to be the best part of the trip.
When my dad died, Jo turned up on my doorstep the same evening with a lasagne, and she did not leave until I had eaten. She did not say anything wise. She just stayed. I have spent this week trying to think of anything more useful a friend can do, and I can't.
Jo, we will do the fortieth. We will get lost on the way. We will send the cards. Thank you for staying. Goodbye, my friend.
Write yours from your own memories
Answer a few gentle questions and we draft a eulogy from your answers only, to edit and then print in large type or as cue cards. Free.
Write a eulogy for your friendWhy this example works
1. How you met, in two sentences
Friends are not family, so the room needs to know who you are to her. The haircut story does that and gets a smile.
2. It names the shock plainly
After a sudden death everyone in the room is in disbelief. Saying so, and asking forgiveness for stumbling, makes it easier for the speaker and the listeners.
3. Her working life, through other people
Most friends saw one side of her. The classroom paragraph shows the room a side some of them never knew.
4. What she was like as a friend
Cards that arrived on the right day is specific enough that everyone who ever received one will recognise it.
5. A close the room can share
The promises at the end, the fortieth and getting lost, are things her friends can actually do together.
A short eulogy for a friend
If you only have a minute or two, or several people are speaking, a short eulogy can say just as much. About 0.5 minutes read aloud.
I'm Hannah, and Jo was my best friend for twenty-two years. She was a teacher who knew the name of every child's pet, and a friend who never forgot a birthday.
She was the worst navigator any of us have known, and the afternoons we spent lost with her were the best parts of every trip. When I needed her, she turned up with a lasagne and simply stayed.
Jo, thank you for staying. Goodbye, my friend.
Questions to start your own
Do not copy an example. Borrow its shape, and fill it with your own answers to these. One true, specific memory is worth more than any polished line.
- How and where did you meet?
- What was the last thing they were planning or excited about?
- What were they like at work, or with people you did not know?
- What did they always remember, forget, or get wrong?
- When did they turn up for you?
The eulogy builder asks questions like these one screen at a time, and our guide covers how to read a eulogy without breaking down.
Common questions
- How do you write a eulogy for a friend who died suddenly?
- Say plainly that nobody expected to be there; the room is feeling it too. Then talk about how they lived, not how they died, and keep it short. Three minutes is plenty. Ask the family first whether there is anything they would rather you did not mention.
- The family asked me to speak, but I don't know much about their early life. What do I do?
- Ask the family for two or three facts about their childhood and work, and say where they came from. Then speak about the person you knew. Families ask a friend to speak precisely because you knew a side of them they did not.
