A guide for families and mourners
Humanist funerals
A humanist funeral is a non-religious ceremony built entirely around the life of the person who died. There are no prayers, no hymns and no reference to heaven or an afterlife. What takes their place is the story of a particular life, told properly.
The difference from every other guide here is that nothing is inherited. There is no liturgy, no set order and no text handed down. A trained celebrant spends several hours with the family and close friends learning who the person actually was, then writes a script for that one occasion and sends it to the family to approve before the day.
One detail is worth knowing in advance, because it is thoughtfully designed and often missed: most humanist ceremonies include a period of silent reflection that is deliberately inclusive. Religious guests can use it to pray privately, while everyone else simply remembers. It is how a non-religious funeral makes room for believing relatives without pretending to be something it is not.
- Burial or cremation
- Either; no religious requirement
- Who leads
- A trained humanist celebrant
- The script
- Written for the person, approved by the family
- Where
- A crematorium, a green burial site, or anywhere meaningful
One thing to hold in mind
Humanism has no doctrine, so there is no correct order and nothing is compulsory. Most ceremonies still follow a recognisable shape, and the tone is whatever suits the person, from sombre to genuinely funny. The one thing that does vary in a way worth checking is accreditation: celebrants are accredited by bodies such as Humanists UK, Humanist Society Scotland, The Humanist Society in the United States and the Humanist Association of Canada, but in most countries anyone at all may call themselves a celebrant.
What happens, in order
How one is put together, and then how the day itself usually runs. The first two steps happen well before anyone arrives, and they are where the work is.
Meeting the celebrant
The celebrant spends several hours with family and close friends, learning the person's character, interests and history. This is the part families are most often surprised by, and the part that determines whether the ceremony sounds like the person or like a template. Bring the small stories, not just the milestones.
The script, and your approval
The celebrant then writes a script for this one ceremony and sends it to the family to read and approve beforehand. Nothing should be a surprise on the day. Families are usually given printed copies of the tribute afterwards, which matters more than people expect.
The welcome
On the day the celebrant welcomes everyone, sometimes with a few non-religious thoughts on life and death, and sets out what is going to happen. For guests who have only been to religious funerals, this framing does a lot of work.
The tribute
The heart of it: the story of the life, told at length and with specifics. Where a religious funeral places worship at the centre, a humanist funeral places the person there, without claims about what happens next.
Readings and music
Poetry, prose or lyrics chosen by the family, and music the person actually cared about, read either by the celebrant or by family and friends. Nothing has to be solemn if that would not fit.
The reflection
A period of silence, or of music, for private thoughts. It is deliberately framed to include everyone: those who want to pray may do so quietly, and nobody is asked to join in with anything they do not believe.
The farewell
The committal or final farewell closes the ceremony. A humanist funeral can be held at a crematorium, a cemetery or a green burial site, and equally in a home, a park, a beach or a community hall, so this looks quite different from one occasion to the next.
Afterwards, and the thing nobody warns you about
Families are usually given printed copies of the tribute, and for many people that becomes the thing they keep.
Beyond that, there is nothing prescribed, and it is worth naming honestly. Every other tradition in this section builds in what comes next: the Sikh tenth day, the Jewish shiva and sheloshim, the Orthodox fortieth day, the Hindu thirteen days, the Buddhist observances running to forty-nine. Each of those exists partly to give a grieving family somewhere to be, and something to do, in the weeks when the visitors stop coming.
A humanist funeral has no equivalent, because there is no doctrine to supply one. That is not a flaw in humanism, and inventing rituals for their own sake would be false. But it does mean the structure has to come from the family instead, and it helps to decide in advance what that will be: a date each year, a walk somewhere that mattered, a place where people can keep adding to the story.
What to ask about, wherever you are
Check accreditation before booking. In most countries the word celebrant is unprotected and anyone may use it. Humanists UK, Humanist Society Scotland, The Humanist Society in the United States and the Humanist Association of Canada all accredit celebrants, and asking which body someone is accredited by is a fair and normal question.
Book early. A celebrant needs several hours with you and then time to write, so the good ones are committed well ahead, and a rushed script shows.
Ask what is possible on venue. You are not obliged to accept a twenty-minute crematorium slot, and a ceremony can be held somewhere that actually meant something to the person.
If part of the family is religious, say so at the very start. The reflection exists precisely for this, and a good celebrant will handle it so that nobody feels excluded and nothing dishonest is said.
If you are attending
If you have been invited to a humanist funeral and have only been to religious ones, these are the usual questions.
Will there be prayers or hymns?
No. There will be readings, music and a tribute, but nothing religious, and no mention of an afterlife. If you were expecting the familiar shape of a church service, it will feel different.
I am religious. Can I still pray?
Yes, privately, and the ceremony is built to allow for it. The period of reflection is deliberately inclusive, and using it to pray silently is entirely expected rather than a breach of anything.
What should I wear?
Follow the funeral notice. Humanist families are among the most likely to ask for bright colours or something specific to the person, and if they have asked, they mean it.
Will it be sad or a celebration?
Whichever the family chose, and it can genuinely be either. Humanist ceremonies are often warmer and funnier than people expect, because the tone is set by the person's character rather than by convention.
Where this comes from
We are not writing from inside this tradition, so everything on this page is drawn from the sources below and we have said what each one was used for. Nothing here is scripture quoted at you, and nothing has been filled in from assumption.
- What is a humanist funeral? Humanists UK
Used for: The definition and philosophy, the absence of prayers and hymns, the ceremony structure from welcome through tribute, readings and reflection, the celebrant spending several hours with the family and writing a script for approval, printed copies of the tribute, the silent reflection being inclusive of religious guests, and the range of venues from crematoria and green burial sites to homes, parks and beaches.
- Humanist funerals and memorials, Humanists UK
Used for: That ceremonies are led by an accredited humanist celebrant rather than a religious official, that they can be as traditional or as unconventional as a family wishes, and that celebrant accreditation exists and can be checked.
Tell us if we have this wrong
If you belong to this tradition and something here is inaccurate, incomplete, or simply put badly, we would genuinely like to know. We would rather be corrected than be politely wrong on a page that grieving families are reading. Corrections are made quickly and we will say what changed.
Send a correction