A guide for families and mourners
Jewish funerals
Two things shape a Jewish funeral. The first is speed: burial should follow as soon as possible, preferably within a day, which is why a Jewish family will often have buried someone before another family has chosen a date. The second is deliberate equality. Plain white shrouds, a plain wooden coffin, no embalming and no viewing, so that nothing distinguishes a rich person's funeral from a poor one's.
The third thing is less obvious to an outsider and is arguably the most useful to understand. Jewish mourning is not one event but a set of widening stages, each with less intensity than the one before, running from the hours before burial through seven days, then thirty, then a year. It is a structure designed to carry someone through grief rather than expect them to be finished with it.
- Burial or cremation
- Burial in the earth; cremation differs by movement
- Usual timing
- As soon as possible, often within 24 hours
- Where
- A Jewish cemetery, graveside or funeral chapel
- Mourning
- Shiva for seven days, then sheloshim
One thing to hold in mind
Judaism is not one practice here, and the clearest split is cremation. Orthodox practice holds to burial in the earth. The Rabbinical Assembly, for Conservative and Masorti Judaism, states that cremation is against Jewish tradition and that a rabbi should advise the family so. The Central Conference of American Rabbis, for Reform Judaism, permits it and says rabbis should not refuse to officiate, while calling on them to discourage it, partly out of post-Holocaust sensitivity. Where this page names a position, it names which body holds it.
What happens, in order
This is the shape of a traditional funeral as set out by the Rabbinical Assembly and the United Synagogue. Burial does not take place on Shabbat or festivals, which is the usual reason for a delay.
The time before burial
The period between a death and the burial is its own stage of mourning, called aninut. The immediate family are released from ordinary religious obligations, because their one duty is to bury their dead. Burial should follow as soon as possible, and a delay is accepted only for a real reason: the law, travel, or waiting for close relatives.
The chevra kadisha and taharah
A chevra kadisha, the burial society, prepares the body. Its members are trained volunteers, women for a woman and men for a man, and the work is unpaid and largely unseen. They perform taharah, a ritual cleansing understood as an act of respect toward someone who can no longer thank them, which is why it is regarded as one of the purest of good deeds.
Tachrichim, the shrouds
The body is dressed in tachrichim, plain white shrouds, identical for everyone, which is the point of them. A man is customarily buried wearing a kippah and his own tallit. Jewish law treats this as important enough that a funeral may be delayed until proper shrouds can be obtained, even though delay is otherwise avoided.
The coffin, and what is not done
The coffin, the aron, is made entirely of wood so that it breaks down naturally and the body returns to the earth. Embalming and cosmetics are not used unless civil law requires it, and viewing the body, publicly or privately, is contrary to tradition. If these things matter to you, say so early, because a funeral director outside the community may assume otherwise.
Keriah, the tear
Mourners tear a visible piece of their clothing, usually just before the service, and wear the torn garment through the seven days of shiva. Many communities now use a black ribbon that is cut instead. It is grief made visible on the body, and it tells everyone in the room who the mourners are without anyone having to explain.
The service
The service is brief and is centred on the hesped, the eulogy, alongside psalms and the memorial prayer El Malei Rachamim. It may be held at the graveside or in a funeral chapel rather than in a synagogue.
Levayah and kevurah
Levayah means accompanying: mourners, family and friends follow the coffin to the grave as a mark of respect, and those carrying it customarily pause seven times on the way. At the grave the coffin is lowered and those present fill it in by hand, often turning the shovel backwards to show that this is not ordinary work. Kaddish is recited once the burial is complete.
Shiva, sheloshim, and the year
Shiva, meaning seven, begins after the burial. Mourners stay at home, sit low, cover the mirrors, and go without leather shoes, work and entertainment. Daily prayers are held in the house so that Kaddish can be said with a minyan. Public mourning is suspended on Shabbat, and mourners are encouraged to attend services.
Sheloshim, meaning thirty, follows. Mourners return to work and to ordinary life but continue to avoid entertainment and celebration, and continue saying Kaddish. For anyone other than a parent, this is the end of formal mourning.
For a parent it continues for a year: Kaddish is said for eleven Hebrew months, and celebrations are avoided for twelve. After that, the anniversary of the death, the yahrzeit, is marked each year by the Hebrew calendar, and Yizkor memorial prayers are said four times a year at festivals.
The stages are the thing worth understanding. Nobody is expected to be recovered after the funeral, and the community's obligations to a mourner are heaviest in the first week and taper deliberately from there.
What to ask about, wherever you are
Say early, to whoever certifies or registers the death, that burial is needed as soon as possible for religious reasons. The stated preference is within a day, and authorities will often accommodate it when the reason is explained.
Routine post-mortems are contrary to Jewish law because they are a desecration of the body, and a family can usually refuse one. Where the law requires it, ask whether it can be carried out under rabbinic supervision. Organ donation is a separate question and may be permitted, on the reasoning that it honours the dead by healing the living.
Embalming is not used except where civil law requires it, which most often arises when a body is being flown between countries. If repatriation is likely, raise it at the very start rather than discovering the requirement late.
Contact a synagogue or the local Jewish burial society before a general funeral director. They will have a chevra kadisha, know which cemetery is available to you, and have done all of this many times.
If you are attending
If you have been invited to a Jewish funeral, or want to pay a shiva call to a colleague or neighbour, these are the things people are most unsure about.
What should I wear?
Dark, modest clothing. Men cover their heads, and a kippah will usually be offered at the door if you do not have one. You do not need to be Jewish to attend either the funeral or a shiva visit.
Should I send flowers?
No. Flowers are not part of a Jewish funeral. The Rabbinical Assembly suggests a donation to a tzedakah fund that mattered to the person who died or to the family, and that is the right instinct anywhere.
What happens at the graveside?
You may be invited to help fill the grave. If you are willing, take a turn: it is regarded as a genuine kindness precisely because it cannot be repaid. If you would rather not, nobody minds, and standing quietly is enough.
What do I do on a shiva visit?
Go to the house rather than expecting the mourner to come to you, and take your lead from them. You are there to sit with someone, not to fill the silence or to look for the right words. Bringing food is a practical kindness, since the household is not cooking.
Where this comes from
We are not writing from inside this tradition, so everything on this page is drawn from the sources below and we have said what each one was used for. Nothing here is scripture quoted at you, and nothing has been filled in from assumption.
- Guide to Jewish Funeral Practice, the Rabbinical Assembly (Conservative and Masorti Judaism)
Used for: The main sequence: burial within 24 hours and not on Shabbat, the hevrah kadisha and taharah, tachrichim with kippah and tallit, the all-wood coffin, no embalming or viewing, keriah, the hesped and El Malei Rachamim, the seven pauses, filling the grave with a reversed shovel, tzedakah instead of flowers, autopsy and organ donation, and the shiva, sheloshim, first-year, yahrzeit and Yizkor structure.
- Death and Burial, the United Synagogue (Orthodox)
Used for: Orthodox practice: the chevra kadisha and taharah, the white clothing, the levayah, keriah, hesped and kevurah, and the shiva observances including the low stools, covered mirrors and no leather shoes.
- Responsum on cremation, NYP no. 5766.2, Central Conference of American Rabbis (Reform)
Used for: The Reform position: cremation is permitted and rabbis should not refuse to officiate, while the Conference calls on them to discourage it, citing burial as normative practice and post-Holocaust sensitivity.
Tell us if we have this wrong
If you belong to this tradition and something here is inaccurate, incomplete, or simply put badly, we would genuinely like to know. We would rather be corrected than be politely wrong on a page that grieving families are reading. Corrections are made quickly and we will say what changed.
Send a correction